Living in the moment vs being prolific. The paradox.

mindfulness

I started this blog about 3 weeks ago for a reason. I needed a place to discuss things important to me publicly. I wanted to weigh in thoughts that actually mattered. I wanted to instill some routine to my writing. I want to get better at it. I force myself to create. I want to be able to tell my stories better. Hopefully, there will be a time where there would be an amazing worthwhile story to talk about. Hopefully there would be an ‘auto’ preceding the word ‘biography’ for that time.

But as it turns out, this is hard work. I don’t aim to write about mainstream ‘7 things to say to your girl’ posts, but would like to present a well thought out argument. This starts with an idea which I randomly get, then I have to develop it. I need to see if it has substance to write about, or is it just an entertaining thought only I can enjoy. I need to think of the implications of the points that I brought up. Are they useful? Sometimes I think of a part of a post as the prestige – for instance the fangirling concept in my first post. The prestige makes it feel more entertaining to write about. I also imagine it being nice to read, in a way I eschew from making posts instructional that way.

Anyway, this involves a lot of background thinking – during the times that I’m not writing. It takes quite a lot of mental work to do the stuff I mentioned in the previous paragraph. Since, I planned to write three posts a week for this blog (jeah! Discipline!), the winding of gears in my mind happens a lot.

However, this all this mental chugging has a drawback. If you think you need to keep thinking, then you will. And this is antagonistic to mindfulness – which involves having the least number of random thoughts in your head at all times so that you can in fact experience the life that is happening around you. I am a strong proponent of mindfulness as I feel it enables us to actually ‘live’ in the moment. Since I’ve started this blog, I’ve definitely faced this issue of thinking randomly all the time. I’ve been meditating less regularly too. One wants to meditate when they’re feeling the calm, thought bereft chill and obviously I’m not – so it’s kind of becoming a vicious cycle.

I have been concerned about his. However, I am convinced that there must be a solution. Eckhart Tolle, who has written amazing books about mindfulness obviously spends time thinking about his material. What kind of method goes behind that kind of writing? How did Dan Millman when writing the peaceful warrior not have mental fragments about the story not randomly floating in his head?

I consciously pondered over this and it has dawned on me that I may be approaching the ideation of writing wrong. I have been keeping this as a background mental process in my brain and have been multitasking. This results in half completed material for content and also takes me away from what I’m actually doing in a moment in my life. I also noted that most of the ideation which actually results in material that I put on paper happens when I have actually sat down to write a post anyway.

I’m pretty confident that JRR Tolkein made the conception of middle earth a task which required his full attention at a particular moment in time. I would seem rather odd that he would be conceptualizing Smeagol’s whole personality while playing a game of tennis (or boiling a kettle of hot tea). Any action is life should deserve one’s full attention, however trivial it may seem.

Thus, I have decided to approach writing with a different method. I am going to just jot down, (on my evernote app) a short line about an interested burst of idea that I have at an instant (currently, I jot down and then start pondering about it). Then, I am going to designate a fixed time for writing where I sit down and consciously think about that idea and its different angles. Peel off some layers and go deeper into the meaning behind it – but only at a fixed designated time and place.

I really want to live my life in such way that I’m open an alert to every moment happening in my life. For you know: there is no such thing as an ordinary moment. I want to someday experience ‘Satori’ – a zen concept. Satori is the warrior’s state of full awareness. When your senses are alert yet inactivated and your body is completely relaxed. Your emotions are open and free. Being immersed in my mind most of the time is not going to help with that – duh! I am going to read and experiment more about mindful ideation and conceptualization methods and see what works for me well. I will let you guys know.

For now, I’m going to leave you with an excerpt from the book ‘the way of the peaceful warrior’ which defines the mind as random thought patterns and its impact on human life.

” ‘Mind’ is an illusory outgrowth of basic cerebral processes. It is like a tumor. It comprises all the random, uncontrolled thoughts that bubble into awareness from the subconscious. Consciousness is not mind; awareness is not mind; attention is not mind. Mind is an obstruction, an aggravation. It is a kind of evolutionary mistake in the human being, a primal weakness in the human experiment. I have no use for the mind.”

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